Friday, June 30, 2006

And now for a musical interlude, courtesy of Noel Coward.

I have highlighted my favourite line for ease of reference.

Senorita Nina
Knew all the answers,
Although her relatives and friends were perfect dancers
She swore she'd never dance a step until she died.
She said, 'I've seen too many movies
And all they prove is
Too idiotic,
They all insist that
South America's exotic
Whereas it couldn't be more boring if it tried.

She added firmly that she hated
The sound of soft guitars beside a still lagoon,
She also positively stated
That she could not abide a Southern Moon,
She said with most refreshing candour
That she thought Carmen Miranda
Was subversive propaganda
And should rapidly be shot,
She said she didn't care a jot
If people quoted her or not!

She refused to begin the Beguine
When they requested it
And she made an embarrassing scene
If anyone suggested it
For she detested it.
Though no one ever could be keener
Than little Nina
On quite a number
Of very eligible men who did the Rumba
When they proposed to her she simply left them flat.
She said that love should be impulsive
But not convulsive
And syncopation
Has a discouraging effect on procreation
And that she'd rather read a book-and that was that!

Senorita Nina
From Argentina
Despised the Tango
And though she never was a girl to let a man go
She wouldn't sacrifice her principles for sex.
She looked with scorn on the gyrations
Of her relations
Who danced the Conga
And swore that if she had to stand it any longer
She'd lose all dignity and wring their silly necks!

She said that frankly she was blinded
To all their over-advertised romantic charms
And then she got more bloody-minded
And told them where to put their tropic
She said I hate to be pedantic
But it drives me nearly frantic
When I see that unromantic
Lot of sluts
For ever wriggling their guts,
It drives me absolutely nuts!
She declined to begin the Beguine
Though they besought her to
And in language profane and obscene
She cursed the man who taught her to,
She cursed Cole Porter too!

From this it's fairly clear that Nina
In her demeanour
Was so offensive
That when the hatred of her friends grew too intensive
She thought she'd better beat it while she had the chance.
After some trial and tribulation
She reached the station
And met a sailor
Who had acquired a wooden leg in Venezuela
And so she married him because he couldn’t dance!

There surely never could have been a
More irritating girl than Nina,
They never speak in Argentina
Of this degenerate bambina
Who had the luck to find romance
But resolutely wouldn't dance!
She wouldn't dance! Hola!!



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