Friday, June 16, 2006

It has been mentioned to me that perhaps it is time to divert my attention away from the caprices of the game industry employment advertising world, if I can fucking help it, etc etc.

Given that an idée fixe held for too long is generally considered to be deleterious to one's health, the suggestion of a sea-change is perhaps not altogether lacking in merit.

Therefore I have decided to re-post a recent missive that appeared on my myspace blog.

I apologise to readers who have already seen this, but please try to understand that many among my aquaintance are in fact Murdoch-hating zealots and/or lazy fucking slackers who refuse to read anything that takes more than 5 seconds to access through their browser. (These same friends got drunk at a party once with some Amazon employees; a fateful night which led to the development of irresponsible e-commerce practices.)

So here is my post from the other day. I hope you all enjoy it: it takes its inspiration from Jesus, kittens, my sporting heros, the courage of rainbows after a storm, and the passion and dedication of child cancer sufferers.

My great-great-great-grandfather was Jesus

(Disclaimer: It's true!)

So the Church wants a disclaimer at the beginning of the Da Vinci code to remind people that the film is a work of fiction.

Why I am so quick to say "oh the irony", shortly followed up with "what the fuck??" ?

As someone who had the misfortune to have read the Da Vinci Code on a plane last year (well yeah I know but it was either that or read and re-read "Voyeur", Virgin Blue's in-flight magazine - ie 20 articles about Richard Branson 10 times over), I consider myself far more of a pundit on this issue than my snobulous friends who are too cool for school to taint their brains with supermarket fiction.

So yeah, "oh the irony" and "what the fuck??", in relation to this request for a disclaimer: because The Da Vinci Code involves stuff like car chases and Jesus being a man and the Louvre and kinky sex - and as such it's a hell of a lot more plausible in terms of fact vs fiction than the adventures of a supernatural being romping around the place causing floods and whatnot.

Dan Brown's wildly popular novel The Da Vinci Code has caused a stir among Christians because it makes some outrageous claims about Jesus and the Bible, reports a Christian website.

Oh my god - Jesus was a man and not Skeletor, evil Master of the Universe! Gee that's so implausible I'd eat my Castle Grayskull construction set if that were true.

But it's ok Christians, fear not the devil-in-paperback, for we have the means to prove him wrong:

we have overwhelming evidence that God has spoken

What - that's like your opening statement for the prosecution? Oh dear, yet another casualty of TV's steady diet of compelling courtroom dramas.

I mean, come on, really, who are these bishops and priests and shit kidding? Their reaction is akin to hurling hysterical accusations of deception and outlandishness against a film that puts forward the idea that Santa doesn't exist.
"Ho ho ho, not to worry boys and girls, we have overwhelming evid-" oh get fucked.

If I were Ron Howard (a man who I find hard to take seriously, having grown up with Happy Days reruns; not his fault, but there you are) I'd strike a deal with these people: "I'll put a "this is fiction" disclaimer in front of my film when you put the same disclaimer at the front of your book".

And boo fucking hoo, Opus Dei. OK so you may not be a bunch of evil albinos or whatever in real life but you do actually wear barbed wire suspender belts and flail yourselves once a week. That's self-harming behaviour indicative of psychiatric illness. 15 year old girls who have too much fun with their Epilady get institutionalised for less.

Why am I weighing into this debate and leaping to the defence of this film? After all the Da Vinci Code is a pretty gauchely worded, pedestrian story, which is essentially Foucault's Pendulum for people with a vocabularly defficiency and a flight time of less than 4 hours.
There are two reasons:
1) Christians; and
2) Censorship. The widely banned French film "Fuck Me" wasn't the greatest film of all time either, neither is it "art", but the director said she made it for 15 yr old girls and I fight for the rights of the girl child, oppressed and neglected as she is all around the world.


At 12:27 am, Blogger the rantolotl said...

Blogger = a much better choice. For starters, my blog is on here, and lets face it, I'm pretty fuckiing important. Welcome to the winning team, Kipper.

You'll be interested to know about NIBS' (New International Bookshop, Melbourne) latest project - they're trying to get into the guinness world book of records for having the largest collection of unwanted copies of the Da Vinci code. This house proudly donated Adrians copy of the book, and although we haven't told him about this yet, I'm sure he'll understand.

At 2:07 am, Blogger Kipper said...

serious? they're deliberately collecting copies of it? do you have a link? that would be hilarious!

is that jeff sparrow's idea? not just a pretty face...

At 5:11 am, Blogger the rantolotl said...

I think it was Seb's idea - not sure though.

No link, although NIBS does have a website, and the Herald Sun & the MX ran pictures and a small article about it the other day. The books were tastefully collected in a rubbish bin.


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