Thursday, June 15, 2006

Today a friend sent me a game job ad. It was certainly of interest.

One of the many problems with me is that I have a very strange collection of skills. I am practically unemployable. I rarely see a position advertised that matches my skill-set. And here was a job that would rarely find a match for its skill-set, and it therefore seemed promising.

The main requirements were as follows:

Must be able to transcribe music by ear
I vaguely remember doing a university degree or two in music in the distant past. I think my therapist and I discussed this at one point.

Competent with MIDI sequencing software
I'd have to check, but I may have even majored in computer music.

Must speak and write at least two languages
Hmmm... yes I believe my French would be up to snuff, due to the fact that I currently live in work in France.

By golly, what a coincidence! This is becoming uncannier than a pop-art exhibition that doesn't feature Andy Warhol.

Must be able to sing
Yes that's me, an experienced Christmas Carol singer well regarded on the NZ Shopping Mall circuit.

Must have good proof reading skills.
Good timing, for I have in fact recently finished a stint as English grammar Nazi on some game text.

Hopes are beginning to be raised!

Must know about games and shit
Well derr!!!

Anyway, it was all rather riveting, until I reached the shocking finale:

Salary 16K


Need I say more than: oh get fucked, how about for 16K I come in once a week and water your plants. Living on the South East coast of England applying Schenkerian analysis to Britney Spears tracks is surely deserving of danger money, not mere starvation wages.

This clearly falls into the “How Much? You’ve Got To Be Fucking Joking” category of advertisements, and as such warrants no further consideration.

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At 5:18 am, Blogger the rantolotl said...

These are the exact reasons employment sucks. I too, am virtually unemployable, although, I don't have a degree in unemployability as you do, it would seem. My natural talent alone has bought me to the level of 'unemployable'. I find myself applying for pathetic little admin roles which I could perform in my sleep - but which I still don't get. "Can you complete work to a project timeline?" they ask, in reference to a timeline in which a student imposes to get their transcript after plonking down a neat $10. Ohh, I think I can manage that. After all, I *have* coordinated the entire technical aspects of a certain Asia-Pacific education software vendors conference. Twice now, I believe.

I've also been paid to drill holes in hire-company tables without their consent nor knowledge, but that's another story.


At 7:21 pm, Blogger Kipper said...

Hey i know that hire-company table story! We hired that table for Free Play.

Let us comfort ourselves with the knowledge that only the best of people are unemployable. They used to refer to people like us as the "gentry", "the leisured classes" etc.
And yet now we're dismissed out of hand as "dole-bludgeing scum".

Oh how times have changed.


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