Saturday, July 08, 2006

Previous discourses concerning game job ads that suck have already introduced us to:

The International Recruiter of Mystery


The Recruiter of Many Talents.

Readers may however recall mentioned a third breed of recruiter, the as yet unelucidated quality of:

The Recruiter Who Knew Too Much

Our client is seeking experienced Playstation 3 programmers…

Developers will remember that it was not long ago that we were all exchanging furtive messages and discreet phone calls on the subject of Playstation 3 development kits: specifically, who has them, when are we getting them, and what the dickens is in them.

pixelHo: hey u no if [X game studio] have got PS3 dev kits yet?

daIOPsuxors: na but I heard that [Y game studio]’s tech director fuckt some chick at SCEE so they’re def. getting at least 1

pixelHo: when are we getting ours? wot happened with [studio director A] saying we’ll get some before [rival studio director B]? wot a lying cunt bet we won’t

And so on, and so forth.

Playstation 3 development kits were the subject of rumour, myth and hearsay. They provided the stuff of legend and fantasy with which to coax children to sleep. Their very existence was shrouded in mystery, provoking extensive theoretical research and debate among historians, the compelling findings of which went on to provide the basis for a Jerry Bruckenheimer film (it is perhaps fitting that the game based on this film license has been announced as a PS3 launch title).

Of course those in the know, knew (naturally), that the architecture of the PS3 console itself was yet to receive planning permission from the local council, and that the development of the PS3 system libraries was still the cause of frequent power shortages and hot sleepless Tokyo all-nighters.

It seemed strangely inappropriate, therefore, that around this time an advanced evolutionary strain of recruiter saw fit to attempt to procure developers “experienced” with PS3 technology. Only programmers who have built a graphics engine for the PS3 and can balance a pike on their nose need apply, sort of thing.


And yet, who am I to be prejudiced by the imagined constraints of mere ephemeral and perhaps even purely theoretical constructs such as time and space? Such unblinkered forward thinking (as was displayed in these job ads) is currently so rare in the game industry it deserves to be met with approbation and encouragement, rather than puzzlement followed by sarcastic derision.

These recruiters were clearly light years ahead of their time, and I urge the mere programmers of today to, if only out of respect, refrain from sullying the holo-desks of such visionaries with their musty vellum-scribed résumés.

Let us remind ourselves that we are making highly technological and interactively advanced game technology engine-ware here, and game industry recruiters are at the cutting edge of it so you and I had jolly well better catch up and look sharp.

My advice to any game programmers who are reluctant to end the year checking into a nursing home for obsolescents: start honing your low level coding skills for the XBOX 480 and the Wii Too now, as solicitations for experienced programmers for these platforms will doubtless be appearing shortly wherever game job ads that suck are found.

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