Monday, August 27, 2007


Still looking. Fuck fuck fuck fcuk udk cfcuk

I need advice, I need some sort of methodological basis to my search.

What would Jesus do?

Ah fuck Jesus, if I wanted the advice of a fictional character in a crisis like this it would be fellows like these:

Sherlock Holmes (Arthur Conan Doyle):
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

The last time the key was seen, it was on top of the bookcase beside the door. It was not touched since that time. It has not fallen off the bookcase. But several times this afternoon, the door was left the door open and unobserved for at least 30 seconds. The improbable is that a neighbour with a grudge took this opportunity to snatch the key through the open door. Is this the truth?

Jeeves (PG Wodehouse):

The problem is solved by close study of "the psychology of the individual".

There are two individuals in the apartment earlier today: Mary and me.
Mary: Mary saw the key last, when she put it on top of the collected mail, on top of the bookcase, and it is Mary who noticed it was missing a hour or so later. Mary is of sound mind.

Me: I can't remember touching it after I collected the mail. I didn't have a motive for touching it thereafter, but as I am not of sound mind... who knows?

Basil Grant and Father Brown(GK Chesterton):
"I may be silly--in fact,I'm off my head--but I never could believe in that man--what's his name, in those capital stories?--Sherlock Holmes. Every detail
points to something, certainly; but generally to the wrong thing.
Facts point in all directions, it seems to me, like the thousands
of twigs on a tree. It's only the life of the tree that has unity
and goes up--only the green blood that springs, like a fountain,
at the stars."

"You see, I had murdered them all myself... I had planned out each of the crimes very carefully. I had thought out exactly how a thing like that could be done, and in what style or state of mind a man could really do it. And when I was quite sure that I felt exactly like the murderer myself, of course I knew who he was."

I must reject deduction in favour of intuition. I must no longer let myself be distracted by facts, and instead try to imagine myself as the key. Or at least, imagine myself losing it.

I am off to take a bath, and intuit.


At 2:45 am, Blogger Conor said...

I would recommend calling a locksmith. I recently moved into a new house and called a locksmith to change my locks. He had picked every lock in the house within 10 minutes, changed their mechanisms (so that they all used the same master key) and fitted security locks on the front door within 30 minutes.

At 5:04 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Presumably, the key was last displaced from its resting place in order to check the mail. Therefore, it could be anywhere between the bookcase, the letterbox (possibly inside?), the letters themselves and anywhere the letters may have gone... Also consider, some time may have passed from when the key was displaced, so, also consider the movements of anything temporarily providing a home for the key (e.g. a table-cloth, a swept path... a rubbish bin for junk mail...).

At 8:37 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus has been proven by historical scholars that he is not fictional. At least in this case he did exist as a man. The religeous aspect, of him is up to you. Now back to your total idoicy.


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