Monday, December 31, 2007

Big news on the Cleveland's TV news broadcast this evening:

4 year old boy crushed to death by 42-inch widescreen TV.


But what I would like to discuss today is the men of Cleveland, a subject area in which I am rapidly becoming expert.

My friend has been conducting some internet dating experiments here in Cleveland and she has frequently solicited my advice while looking through online profiles for prospective dates. I have been attempting to help her sort the proverbial wheat from the chaff.

And so now, while I can't claim to having any actual internet dating experience myself, I do nevertheless feel qualified to offer a few select words of advice to the men of Cleveland on this subject.


Hot Internet Dating Tips for the Men of Cleveland

1) Profile pictures

It is commonly held that a picture says a thousand words. While I don't think your picture needs to inspire an undergraduate essay, it does however need to evoke more positive eloquence in the female viewer's mind than a flat-out "no".

Profile picture DOs and DON'Ts:

DO try to keep bras off your head


"I think women's lingerie is sexy. This sexy."

While I did try hard to keep an open mind on this one, in the end I had to agree that my friend's non-negotiable "no bras on the head" policy was after all quite a sensible one.


DON'T pose in your paintball outfit.*


Cleveland bachelor and hard-ass paintball marine

It is an undeniable fact that many women find men in uniform sexy. But men in paintball uniforms....not so much. An easy mistake to make, perhaps, but nevertheless a fatal one.

(It was disappointing to note that all of the (several) other photos of himself that Mr Storm had posted on the dating site were also distressingly paintball-themed.)



DO avoid tiger poses, especially in beach attire.



"Rowwwrrrr!"

One should never underestimate the importance of not posing like a tiger when trying to attract a mate. I really can't stress this enough.


* or your Batman costume. Or your Star Trek Enterprise uniform. These are not the kind of uniforms that turn women on, seriously.

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3 Comments:

At 6:49 pm, Blogger Ben.H said...

Also, don't have a framed photo of your wife and kids visible in the background. It's amazing how many guys fail on that one.

 
At 2:35 am, Blogger CeeJay said...

Oh, I don't know - paintball guy looks pretty hot to me. Though my taste has a long and colourful history of being questionable at best...

 
At 5:13 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not my line, but perhaps a new caption for the last pic - Crouching Tiger, Hidden loser...

 

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