Sunday, December 09, 2007

Dear Ben and Fiona,

Thank you for letting me stay in your house. I am sorry that you have rarely seen me over the last week because of the odd hours I keep. Please be assured, however, that I am still residing in your house and that I fully intend to come home early enough to cook dinner one night within the next couple of days.

I wanted to write you this quick note because it occurred to me that you may be tempted to compare my elusive behaviour to that of your previous houseguest, Australian radio personality, Julian Day.

ABC Classic FM presenter and sex symbol by default, Julian Day.

Unlike Julian Day, however, I promise not abuse your kind hospitality by secretly exiting the house with my bags while you are on the toilet. And so I earnestly do hope that you will not find yourself compelled to auction off my personal items over the internet, as you did with Julian Day's*.

You have noted that I have listened to some of your CDs because I forgot to put them back on the shelf. You have not only noted this: you have noted, itemised and published the names of the CDs on the internet, and this is how I know that you have noted this.

I have also borrowed your copy of Gertrude Stein's The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas to read on the train. I hope you don't mind. Her idiosyncratic sentence-construction is beginning to have a rather insidious influence on me.

* I note that one of the items that failed to sell was a pair of Julian Day's socks. As is widely known, I am running a bit low in the sock department and I wonder if you would consider donating them to me.


At 6:49 pm, Blogger Ben.H said...

Just don't lose the letter that a previous owner slipped between the pages of the Stein. It is Found Writing gold, and I've been meaning to scan it.

At 12:16 am, Blogger Fi Fi Abroad said...

You are quite welcome to the airline socks...wear them well and wisely...

No worries about the hours you are keeping. (See that you corporate ASSHOLES!...She's a sick woman!...Look what you are doing to her!...Elle a besoin a vivre en France!...pew!...I spit on your stupide immigration laws...)

Ahem...At least you are still communicating with us. And thanks for your company on Sat night and Sunday. Muchus funus hanging outus. xx


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