Friday, February 01, 2008

I sleep at the bottom of the garden, like a fairy.

Last night, in the middle of the night, I woke up screaming. I was having nightmare in which a white ghost-like shape was trying to break through the window into the shed where I sleep, presumably in order to attack me.

I woke up (as I say, screaming), only to find that it was a bloody duck.

Even the dog is terrified of the ducks. If he's left outside alone with them they peck him until he yelps, steal his Pooh (his teddy bear) and drag it through their pond.

Cats from next door like to jump up and down on the roof while I'm trying to sleep. Fucking cats.

On Monday night I am rounding up some friends to partake of the Monday night Roo (as in Kanga) steak special at the pub up the road. Man must conquer his fear of animals by feasting on the flesh of his enemies.



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