Sunday, September 07, 2008

I have recently downloaded and watched a number of mainstream Hollywood films, all of which, despite widespread assurances to the contrary, I found to be unreconstructed rubbish. As a result, I feel a bit put upon. I mean, I not only wasted a few hours watching these movies, I wasted several hours downloading them. 

Furthermore find it ironic that well-crafted, socially intelligent (yes, intelligent) examples of contemporary culture like GTAIV are currently being dragged through the mud by church-loads of moralising muppets while films like the ones I've seen recently seem to pass unremarked in spite of their immense tone-lowering stupidity. 

Take, for example: The Dark Knight, a violent and yawn-worthy film featuring a super-hero who prefers to inflict violence upon his peers by punching them instead of shooting them. Personally, I fail to understand why killing people through hand-to-hand combat is morally superior to killing them with a gun, but whatever. 
This movie was supposed to be a Batman film for grown-ups, but its rather lame attempt to create a more sophisticated political and philosophical context for the Batman character only serves to render the premise more politically and philosophically bankrupt than it would've otherwise been. When the Morgan Freeman character gives Batman a lecture about the ethics of his personal Echelon-project-style spy device I almost hit the delete button on the file right then and there. 

If I hadn't had to watch The Dark Knight as a badly compressed avi cam, maybe the special effects would've at least kept my attention, but unfortunately I was forced to derive entertainment from the actual content of the film instead. My traveling companion (who bothered to see the film in an actual cinema) also points out that the soundtrack was shite and the sound mix was so amateur that at times the dialogue was barely audible.
Yes, this film broke box office records, but wasn't that mostly because it stars Heath Ledger, who recently went and offed himself with the contents of his medicine cabinet?

I rate this film PathETICK and award it -5 stars. 

Wanted is another violent, juvenile film destined to fill young minds with nonsense. The lead actor is undisputably hot, which is why I initially became interested in this film. He is quickly rendered unattractive, however, by playing a character that is unarguably annoying.

The central idea of this film is identical to that of all those other films designed to appeal to 20-something male losers: a humourless white-collar soft-cock who gets screwed around by everybody until one day he discovers he's “special” (yawn). I suppose if I were a spiritless young male whiney-pants myself, like the vast majority of people who went to see this film, I would have identified with this guy and cheered him on a bit.  

"You can't hide my coffee cup - I'm a ninja/the Chosen One/the Son of God/a Jedi Knight/etc! Waaah!"

But far from finding him to be a sympathetic character, I began to feel that he deserved all of the bad treatment meeted out to him. I even felt sorry for his cheating beyatch of a girlfriend, and if I were her I would've fucked his best friend too.

The final scene is less than tasteful, featuring the hero asserting his manhood by blasting people away indiscrimatedly, with a rifle mediated by the corpse of one of his victims that he was dragging around with him as a sort of a shield-come-rifle-holder. It is an image reminiscent of Postal - a much maligned game starring Gary Coleman - where you had to shoot people through the arse of a cat. To their credit, at least Running With Scissors (the game's developer) puts that kind of unsavoury silliness in their games in an effort to make them funny.

Postal's "cat silencer"

And as I watched this final, cruelly ludicrous scene, I had the unpleasant sensation of just knowing that man-children in cinema audiences around the world would have been thinking: "Yeah! That'll show them all for pushing me - er, i mean, that guy - around!".
I recommend this film be retitled Unnecessary , and award it -7 stars.


At 11:06 am, Blogger Paul said...

I'm with you on the Wanted hate. I found that film to be not only surprisingly stupid and schizophrenic, but surprisingly offensive too. Any story that has the balls to explicitly insult me had damn well better be smarter than I am.

My biggest problem is that the protagonist goes through the film whining about finding his dad, being adopted by a surrogate father figure in Morgan Freeman, who then (spoiler) betrays him. The film's final moments then have our hero adopt the same traits & behaviours as his surrogate, a character the story maintains is a bit of douchebag.

Gah, I'm getting worked up just thinking about it. I award it negative a million points.

At 12:58 am, Blogger Ben.H said...

So, have you seen the movie of Postal yet? You know, for comparison. I don't think it has Gary Coleman, but it does have Verne Troyer.

At 4:48 pm, Blogger Kipper said...

No I haven't seen Postal yet but I would very much like too. At least Uwe Boll doesn't pretend to be anything that he is not.


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